Jasmine Hart

7- This is really good, as usual. I especially like the first line, which really drew me in as it's so unusual and precise, and love the couplet at the ...

It's cute and flows well (short and sweet, right?), but I'd tweak the third line so tit reads; "So thus it may seem" which I think sounds more natural. Jas

I really like the last one. You express yourself well, and your imagery is vivid and disturbing. I'd cut "punctuating2 as I think it's too much. I think; "and mouths ...

Thanks Kit. I've fixed "breath". With the first stanza, I was thinking of digging the nails on the right hand into the back of the left. Thanks Via, thanks Cal. ...

April 5th; This is cute and interesting, and flows well. No quibbles. Jas

April 5; Brilliant. It flows perfectly, every word serves a purpose, I can't fault it. Jas

You're welcome. :) Heehee. This is random! I love the title, and the ending was surprising...I'm not sure I get it, but it made me smile as it was so ...

Have fun on your cruise. Looking forward to reading you when you get back. Good luck with all the poems. Jas

Poem 5: Ooooh, I really love this, especially; "before she stops, Breath pushing from her stunned lips. The thrill ends." and; "Her hair red and toes yellow, she will listen, ...

Poem nine: This is really great. Only suggestion is that I'd change "teh same worth" to "worth the same", or "of the same worth." Jas

April 6: This is really great, Kylan. The first line is really attention-grabbing and your language is perfect throughout. I love your attention to detail, like "soil's loose obsidian lap," ...

Day five: I really like this, especially the arrangment of "drip drip drip" as it mirrors the dripping. I especially like; "counting clouds from treetop to treetop only to fall ...

I'm not sure the form does much for you here, Kit. The rhyme is restricting you and forcing you to twist the syntax, and "spoken word has not been said" ...

6: Overall, I didn't like this as much as some of your other stuff. I think that the last two couplets were much stronger than the first two, especially the ...

What I'd do is, I'd choose one project, set myself a daily, weekly or monthly target, and then write like a lunatic, no reading back over it, no changing things, ...